


seconds to sunshine

by rulesofthebeneath (radishphilosophy)



Category: Choices: High School Story: Class Act (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Character Death, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Brain Injury, Coma, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Recovery, Shooting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-06-24 00:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19712872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radishphilosophy/pseuds/rulesofthebeneath
Summary: When Ajay and Grace's date night is ruined by a deranged shooter, their lives turn upside down.How 'Bout A Dance AU (Yes, I made an AU of my own AU).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So THIS is a departure from what I normally do. This is sort of, a spin-off of How 'Bout A Dance? Like an AU of my own AU. Please, please PLEASe make sure to look at the tags for possible trigger warnings. I'll put it here as well, just in case. TW: Gun violence, blood, traumatic injury, PTSD, major character injury, background character death. I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Ajay made his way down the busy streets of Lower Manhattan, determined to get to their meeting spot before Grace did. He supposed he could call this occasion his and Grace’s first real date since getting back together, even though it had been a few months. He’d seen her plenty in that time, too; it was just mostly dinner at his place or hers and a night in with Netflix and plenty of cuddling. They were both so busy, and both preferred staying in to going out in general. He’d discovered that his all-time favorite thing to do was to wrap her in his arms, to pull her close against him and breathe her in, the intoxicating smell of her shampoo and the soft curves of her body feeling so safe to him, so much like home.

It had been a while since he’d truly felt like he belonged so well with another person. And he’d never felt it this strongly before. Those brief seconds when he held her, whatever the circumstances, were precious.

She had arranged this, their first real date. They both had the Sunday night and Monday morning free, so it was a perfect opportunity for them to do something special. All she’d done to clue him in to the date, though, was a send him a quick text that read, “Meet me at The Burkeman”. 

The Burkeman was a fancy hotel, so Ajay had had some idea of how to dress for the occasion. He wore cropped dark blue pants with pinstripe socks and his ever-present loafers, a white button-down with his best blue striped tie, and a navy blazer to pull the whole look together. He still looked like himself, but a little more sophisticated. At least, he hoped he did.

He came up to the hotel and leaned up against one of the outside walls, fully aware that he was about five minutes early. He looked around, finally having the chance to take a breather from his hectic journey, and spotted a woman, her dark brown hair just reaching to her collarbone in gentle waves, dressed in a blue floral-print dress that was hemmed to just above her knees, a white leather jacket draped over her arm. She wore black-framed sunglasses, and didn’t seem to have noticed Ajay yet.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he said and she jumped, then turned to him and grinned. Grace took the sunglasses off and pulled him in for a long kiss, her arms around his neck. Once he pulled away, she gave him a shining bright smile that nearly stunned him with its radiance.

_ I love you _ , he thought. “So, what’s our plan tonight?” he said instead. 

Grace grabbed him by the hand and led him into the hotel’s lobby.

“I got us a room for the night and some dinner reservations!” she said, lining them up in the queue for the front desk. “I thought we deserved something a little fancy.”

“Great thinking,” Ajay said, looking around the opulent lobby. “It looks perfect.”

Grace beamed at him again and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. “I did some research, and this is one of the best hotels in Lower Manhattan. Not too far away from your place. Or mine, for that matter. Their dinners are supposed to be legendary.”

“Sounds like you really thought this one through, huh?”

“Only the best for you,” Grace said teasingly, though something in her voice sounded like she meant it. 

Once they reached the desk, Grace quickly retrieved the room keys. The couple made their way to the room and Grace let them both inside. 

Ajay surveyed the room once they entered. Plush carpeting, a wonderfully soft-looking king-sized bed, and rich colors all gave off an impossibly luxurious vibe.

“Oh, this is even better than I thought,” Grace whispered from beside him. 

“It’s great,” Ajay agreed, setting his briefcase down gingerly on one of the chairs. Grace ran up to the bed and flopped on it, gesturing for Ajay to join her. He sat carefully on the edge, the only place he could fit as Grace had starfished herself across most of the mattress.

“It’s so soft!” she exclaimed, looking ecstatic. Ajay rolled his eyes but he had to agree with her: the bed didn’t feel like a bed, but more like a cloud that had been tamed and brought back to earth specifically for this hotel room.

The entire experience got even better when Grace rolled over and burrowed into his arms, her face buried in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist carefully and kissed the top of her head.

“When are our reservations for?” he asked quietly.

“Six,” she grumbled into his shirt. He checked his watch, which read 5:30.

“We’ve got some time, then,” he mentioned, and she wrapped her arms around him even tighter.  _ More than just a few of those precious seconds, _ he thought to himself.

“Time for cuddles,” she said, the sound muffled from her face pressed against his shirt. 

“Ugh, fine,” Ajay relented, pretending to be annoyed. He slipped his shoes off, shed his jacket, and moved so that he was completely on the bed. Then, he wrapped his arms around Grace completely, pulling her as close to him as he could. 

Warmed by the sunlight streaming through the window in the late June afternoon, the pair enjoyed each other’s company, the synchronicity of their tandem heartbeats, Ajay’s breaths running across the top of Grace’s head. He felt her start to drift off, the rise and fall of her chest slowing and deepening. As the precious seconds in her arms ticked by, Ajay thought of nothing but love for her, this woman who trusted him enough to fall asleep in his arms.

Some minutes later, Ajay had just started to drift off himself when Grace’s phone rang, startling them both into full consciousness. Grace groaned, the sound muffled against the fabric of Ajay’s shirt. Ajay reluctantly let go of Grace and elegantly rolled himself off the bed, pausing to smooth the wrinkles on his shirt before pulling his jacket back on and bending to tie his shoes. Grace took a little longer, combing out her hair with her fingers and fixing the odd creases in her dress before putting her own jacket on. When Ajay offered her his hand she took it, and the pair made their way down to the restaurant.

Minutes later they had been seated, a glass of moscato poured for each of them, their orders taken and whisked off to the kitchen. Grace was in the middle of a story centered around the show she was working on, of the antics of various cast members when they had all gone out for a cast and crew dinner. Slyly, she mentioned the date of opening night and slid a small envelope over to Ajay. Inside was a front-row ticket for the very first show.

Ajay grinned at Grace, taking her hand and kissing the back. Within seconds, an entire future for them had materialized in his mind. He saw himself, some time in the future, sitting in the front row of Grace’s Broadway debut. She wouldn’t see him in the house until the lights came up after the show, but she’d direct her tearful curtain-call smile right to him nonetheless. And he’d always stand up, pride swelling in his chest like a balloon that could never burst.

He saw himself in the front row of a different theatre, watching as a story he’d directed came to life. The beautiful scenes and the lyrical musical numbers coming together perfectly, just the way he’d envisioned. The opportunity of a large budget and the flexibility of a small cast would create a show like no other, something he would always look back on with the fondest memories. 

But beside him was the best memory of all, Grace right beside him as she watched the show. He’d monitor her posture– her leaning forward, squeezing his hand whenever she was amazed, jumping to her feet as soon as the music for the curtain call started. He thought about how they’d walk home together that future night, her sunshine filling up the entire street until he could mistake it for high noon even though it was midnight. Her sunshine would continue down the road hand in hand with him, until it entered the apartment they’d share one day which could hardly contain it. 

He thought about a lifetime of daylight with her by his side, him by her side. He imagined the days spent rushing around their apartment with their hectic schedules clashing and conflicting, and the nights spent in each other’s arms, exhausted but deliriously happy. Both of them, loving theatre and loving each other, given a second chance with each passion. 

He couldn’t wait.

Grace saw the emotions flashing through his eyes, recognizing each of them from knowing him so well. She lifted up her wine glass and offered it forward in a toast. Ajay picked his up, mirroring her movement.

“To us,” Grace said, smiling at the cheesiness of the statement but meaning it nonetheless. 

“To us,” Ajay echoed, rolling his eyes but grinning. He moved to tap their glasses together, but before his glass even touched Grace’s, a deafening crack sounded through the air.

Ajay’s ears started ringing and he stared at his glass, which remained intact, trying to find the source of the noise. Grace looked around, turning in her chair, then suddenly stilled, her eyes going wide and her face going pale. She almost dropped her glass of wine as she fumbled for Ajay’s hand, taking it with a vice-like grip, and used her other hand to pull her white jacket tighter around her. Ajay followed her gaze and that’s where he saw him.

He stood in the middle of the small restaurant, dressed smartly in a tuxedo. As the entire restaurant turned their eyes to him, diners and waiters and chefs alike, his manic grin grew until Ajay swore it covered half the man’s face. His left hand was lifted towards the sky, a small pistol pointed towards the ceiling where a small hole the size of a bullet had punched through the ceiling.

“Good,” he said, his voice deep and slimy, the dim light reflecting off his pale eyes to create even more of an evil glint. Absently, Ajay noted that he would have to use lights to create that perfect effect for a villain in a show.

“Now that you’re all paying attention…” the man started, his words long and drawn out, each one feeling like a punch to Ajay’s chest, “I want you to be absolutely silent.”

Ajay swallowed, turning his head slowly to look at Grace who was staring at the man, hyperventilating. Ajay squeezed her hand in an attempt to calm her, and she whipped around to lock eyes with him.

He’d never before seen that much fear in a person’s eyes, and he hoped he never would again. Her breathing steadied as she maintained eye contact with him, but her eyes stayed wild, almost overwhelmed by panic. But she was keeping it together, and that wildness eased a little bit more with each second as Ajay rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb, the only movement he dared to make in the tense climate.

He slowly took his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it, careful to keep it concealed and careful not to make any sudden movements. The man with the gun started to speak again.

“You all… you think you’re so much better than me. You never stopped to listen to me. To hear what I had to say. Well,” the man cut himself off to laugh, a sickening sinister sound, “Now you’ll all listen. You don’t have a choice.”

Ajay opened his messages app and slowly typed out a text to Jake.

**Ajay:** Call 911 tell them there’s a man with a gun at the burkeman hotel

He hoped Jake would get the message. 

On the other side of the restaurant, a man stood up.

“Look, man, I don’t know what your problem is, but-“

“Silence,” the man with the gun said softly, pointing his gun at the outspoken stranger, who immediately raised his hands above his head.

“C-come on, please p-put the gun down,” the man stuttered. “M-my wife and ch-children are here… we never did anything to- to hurt you.”

The gunman just laughed and stepped closer.

“You only get one chance.”

He fired one shot, then another, directly into the man’s chest. The man’s wife and two young boys recoiled. The woman couldn’t help but to let out a cry of anguish, and the gunman rounded on her as well, a bullet driving directly into her head.

For a moment just after, Ajay thought he saw a glimmer of weakness in the gunman’s eyes. A little sorrow, maybe. Some fear of the consequences of his actions, maybe even remorse for taking two lives. But just as soon as it appeared it was gone, the man’s eyes sharpening with fury, becoming cold as ice.

Beside Ajay, Grace started to tremble. Ajay gripped her hand tighter, and looked up to see that her lips were pressed tightly together, like she was resisting the urge to scream. Her eyes were locked on the two bodies on the ground, of the blood spilling out of the still-wheezing man and the silent woman.

“The rest of you,” the gunman continued, pivoting around to scan the room, “are going to be silent.”

Grace gripped Ajay’s hand even tighter until it was painful, and he had to wrap his hand around her wrist to ease the pain. 

A smirk warped the man’s face, a sadistic expression as he lowered the gun again.

“You’ll all listen,” he said again. “Or you’ll be like them.”

Ajay swallowed, trying to think through the situation, but his mind wouldn’t cooperate. He looked around for exits only to make note of an oddly-shaped birthmark on the gunman’s neck. His thoughts were an endless loop about how the color of the dying man’s shirt was changing rapidly, and he senselessly wondered how much soap it would take to get the man’s entire lifeblood out of the carpet.

The longer the gun stayed aimed harmlessly at the floor, the more the knot loosened in Ajay’s chest and allowed him to breathe again. He saw Grace visibly calming as well, though he still noted the hysteria in her expression when she looked at the bodies on the floor. He understood, but absently recalled that hysteria sounded like wisteria, and he was never going to be able to see that kind of flower again without thinking of this.

“I worked here once,” the man said, his soft voice carrying through the silent room. “I worked here and you looked down on me. I worked hard here, only made enough to barely live paycheck to paycheck, and nobody ever listened to me.”

He walked around again, gun still lowered, but fury growing in the creases of his face.

“People just like you. Ordered me around like they  _ owned _ me, humiliated me for fun, pushed me around just like a little plaything. And then they got me fired, and I have nothing to live on. Nothing, because of  _ you _ .”

He raised the gun again and wheeled around the room, grinning as he basked in the undivided attention that he commanded from the entire room. The room was so silent that any noise was deafening, and that was the only reason anyone heard the voice coming from the phone in the kitchen.

“ _ 9-1-1, what is your emergency? _ ”

“ _ NO _ !” the gunman yelled, spinning around to fire in the direction of the kitchen. “YOU WILL LISTEN!”

He whipped around to face Grace and Ajay’s section of the restaurant almost directly, and it was then that Ajay could feel the seconds falling away, that happy dream full of sunshine slowly slipping through his fingers. 

The man fired three wild shots around the section before running off somewhere, Ajay didn’t know where, because all he could think of was getting Grace to safety. He pulled her over behind a table, where a young woman sat clutching her stomach. Blood seeped through her fingers as her breath shook, and her face was as white as a sheet. 

Another shot rang through the air, and a chef screamed as the bullet ripped through his neck. Another shot, and the phone was blasted off of the wall. Another shot, and the anguished cries of a waitress were silenced.

The gunman’s insanity was clear on his face more now than ever before as he whipped around and shot at anything that moved. His eyes looked glazed over, his movements robotic, and Ajay froze in fear. This man had nothing to lose. Ajay had everything to lose, right there in his arms.

Five more shots sounded out, and Ajay closed his eyes as screams sounded all around him. After the last shot, something wet dripped onto the shoulder of his suit. He looked at the stain, then looked up to Grace directly above him.

Her eyes were shut tightly against the blood dripping down from her forehead, where the bleeding seemed to originate. She groaned softly, her grip slackening in Ajay’s hand, and she leaned into his chest for support. To his horror, he found that the back of her head was also completely covered in blood.

He couldn’t stop the shock from flooding his entire system. She was warm against him, and he could still feel her heartbeat under his fingers, but every beat of her heart pushed more blood out of her head. Within seconds his hands were covered in her blood, and within seconds he saw everything he loved being taken away from him, going somewhere where he couldn’t get it back.

Grace’s white jacket was completely covered in her blood, and Ajay took it off of her to wrap around her head, desperately trying to stem the bleeding. He added his own coat to it, and when he tightened the fabric over her head she dug into his leg with her fingernails and screamed, a horrible wailing sound that would surely be the soundtrack of his nightmares for the rest of his life.

He cupped her cheek in his hand, using the other to hold the jackets in place, and forced her to look into his eyes. They weren’t wild with fear or hysteria anymore, but full of pain and distressingly unfocused. 

“Grace. Grace. It’s alright. Grace. I promise. I promise you. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. Please. Grace–,” he said nonsensically, trying to draw her focus. Tears streamed down her cheeks and mixed with the blood still gushing out of the wound in her forehead. She collapsed forward into him, arms wrapped distressingly loosely around him, and cried out again, the sound muffled by his shirt. Ajay ran his free hand down her back, and mumbled into her ear.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, please…”

Ajay wasn’t sure how he got through the next thirty minutes, but he ended up sitting in a chair with a warm damp towel in his hand, watching Grace be rushed out of the emergency room for surgery. He vaguely remembered the events of the last half-hour, sort of like a montage in a movie.

The police had come quickly and disarmed the shooter. They detained him, but Ajay didn’t know what had happened next because he was yelling for someone,  _ anyone _ to help him, to help Grace, whose strength was fading. He remembered being stuffed into an ambulance with her, of staring on in horror as the paramedics worked on her. They’d checked him over briefly once they’d arrived at the emergency room, but the only thing wrong with him was his girlfriend’s blood all over his hands and shirt. The nurses at the hospital had given him a towel to clean up.

And even though he was perfectly safe, even though there were no weapons anywhere near him and he knew the best doctors in the city were taking care of Grace way better than he could, he felt like he was drowning. Then, he remembered that his phone was still in his pocket.

Back to reality, Ajay finished wiping his hands off and reached for his phone. He had several missed texts and calls from Jake, as he had expected. 

**Ajay:** Can’t call right now, the ER is very loud. I’m okay. 

**Jake:** I called the police, what happened? You said there was a gun? Why are you in the ER?

**Ajay:** A man had a gun, started shooting. I’m in the ER because I was with Grace, and she got hit.

**Jake:** Shit, how bad??

**Ajay:** I’m not sure. She’s in surgery right now. I know she lost a lot of blood so I’m going to go give some right now. A lot of other people were also hit, some of them came through here too.

**Jake:** I’ll be right there. Which hospital?

After confirming the location with Jake, Ajay asked a nurse where to go to donate blood. He didn’t even know if he and Grace had compatible blood types, but it was the only thing he could do to even feel helpful.

Once he got to the donation center a few floors up from the ER, he felt around in his pockets for Grace’s phone. He knew he had taken it before they’d arrived at the ER, just in case he needed to call her family and he didn’t have the number. He debated for a minute about who to call first as the nurses prepared the paperwork for his health history, then sighed and pressed the button to dial her mother’s contact information.

Over the next hour Ajay donated two pints of blood and made several painful phone calls, trying to set up travel and accommodations for Grace’s family. Once Jake showed up at the donation center, after pulling Ajay into a fierce hug, he also donated some blood and discussed things with Ajay. Jake agreed to stay with a friend for a few weeks so that Ajay could host Grace’s family in their apartment, which was fairly close to the hospital. 

Her parents, James, and James’ fianceé were flying into LaGuardia on the next flight, which would arrive at about 2 am. Mayleen had volunteered to go pick them up from the airport and bring them to the hospital. Right now, though, she sat with Rosa beside Ajay in the waiting room, her hand clenching Rosa’s tightly. Ajay sat with his head in his hands, trying desperately not to think about Grace still in surgery. Jake had gone home to pack up his things, but made Ajay promise to text him as soon as Grace was out of surgery.

Ajay didn’t want to think anymore, he couldn’t. But he also couldn’t close his eyes without seeing Grace’s white jacket covered in her blood, and he couldn’t open a book or a magazine without seeing the gunman’s psychotic grin on any of the faces in the waiting room around him. He didn’t even notice he was trembling until Rosa put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly and he jumped. His mind flooded with the memory of Grace leaning against his shoulder after she’d been shot, sobbing into that very same fabric that Rosa was touching. He reflexively got to his feet, startling both Rosa and Mayleen. He tried to apologize, but the only thing that came out of his mouth was a broken sob. He collapsed back into his seat, and Rosa moved to wrap him in her arms.

Many seconds and many tissues later, Mayleen silently passed him the t-shirt and sweatpants that he kept at Grace’s apartment for pajamas.

“You should go shower and change,” she said, pointing him towards the bathrooms advertising free showers. “You don’t want to stay in those bloody clothes.”

_ If these bloody clothes are the last thing I have to remind me of Grace, I’ll stay in them for the rest of my life, _ his subconscious argued back. But he realized the logic behind Mayleen’s words and gratefully took the clothes. 

After a shower that Ajay would later admit he definitely needed, he walked back into the waiting room with clothes that smelled like equal parts like him and like Grace. 

Across the waiting room, he saw Mayleen and Rosa talking to a doctor, and ran over with his heart in his throat. This was it. Something gripped his heart tightly ( _ tightly like her hand had gripped his when she’d been shot _ ) and panic welled up in him for the first time that day. Throughout it all, this was the thing he was the most scared of. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the truth of Grace's condition comes through, what are her loved ones supposed to do?

The doctor looked up as Ajay joined the group. His face was tired, but his expression was carefully neutral. 

“Friend of Grace Lee?”

“Yeah,” Ajay said, out of breath from the run and the persisting panic. “I’m her boyfriend. I was in the restaurant with her when she got shot.”

The doctor nodded. “Is her family here?”

“Not yet. They live in Oregon,” Mayleen said. “Can we just have an update?”

The doctor sighed. “Yes, of course. This way, please.”

He led them into a room just off the waiting room, one with soft couches. Ajay took a seat on the far right of one couch, Mayleen and Rosa right next to him. With a pang in his chest, Ajay realized that doctors only took people to private rooms when they had bad news to deliver. He started shaking again, and this time Rosa couldn’t stop him.

The doctor sat down, and with a deep breath, began to speak.

“My name is Dr. Meer. I was the lead surgeon today on Ms. Lee’s emergency surgery.”

“Ajay,” Ajay introduced himself, and Mayleen and Rosa followed suit. The doctor nodded.

“Now, to business. Grace survived the surgery.”

Ajay let out a long breath, his entire body relaxing. 

“But, we had to put her into a medically induced coma so that her brain could heal. From what we could see, the damage from the bullet was contained to her right frontal lobe, which means she was very lucky.”

“Coma?” Rosa asked, her voice suddenly sounding small. “Will she… wake up?”

“Yes,” Dr. Meer assured her. “She’s on medication to keep her in the coma until her brain has healed enough. In surgery we had to do a craniectomy, so that needs time to heal too. When she’s ready, we’ll lower the dosage of medication, and she should wake up.”

“That’s good then, right? She’ll recover?” Mayleen asked, trying and failing to conceal her anxiety.

The doctor sighed.

“We hope so. Unfortunately, traumatic brain injuries like this are too serious for me to give any kind of guarantee. I want to be realistic with you, and with Grace’s family when they arrive. When she wakes up, she won’t be the same. She might not know who any of you are. She might not respond to anything. She might never speak or walk again. Obviously, we hope none of this will happen, but it’s all possible. No matter what, though, her recovery is going to be difficult, and it’s going to take a long time. Even if her recovery is fast and full, she’ll struggle with this damage for at least the next few years.”

Ajay pressed his lips together, trying to repress the fear that coursed through him at the doctor’s words.

_ She could never respond? She could forget me, or her family, or her friends? She could never be able to walk again? Sing again? Dance again? _

He let out a long breath, trying his hardest to process this information. Silent tears rolled down Rosa’s cheeks, and Mayleen passed her a tissue. Because of five minutes in a stupid restaurant, their entire lives had been disrupted.

Objectively, Ajay knew that they were lucky. That being shot in the head was often a death sentence, and that Grace was fortunate to be alive at all. But he still shook when he thought about how she might never dance again. How her life was ruined because of one stupid, selfish man who thought bullets would solve society’s problems.

Dr. Meer said a few more things, then left his business card for them so they could contact him when Grace’s family arrived. The three sat in silence in the room once the doctor closed the door behind him until a nurse knocked gently.

“Hi. My name’s Jannelle, I’ve been assigned to Grace’s case. I can lead you all up to see her, if you’d like.”

Ajay got to his feet quickly. “You’re going to let us see her?”

Jannelle looked confused, and then nodded. “Yes, just come with me. Remember that she’s in a coma, so she’s not able to respond to you at all. But I hope it will be some comfort to see her.”

Rosa nodded and got to her feet alongside Mayleen.

“We’d like to see her, please.”

Jannelle smiled. “Right this way.”

The nurse led them through the long winding hallways of the hospital, a labyrinth that Ajay thought he’d never be able to find his way out of. Grace was in her own room, a small white room with the curtains pulled back to fill the room with sunshine. 

Inside the room, Grace laid in a hospital bed, looking impossibly tiny next to all the equipment. She had a respirator attached to her nose and mouth, a pulse monitor on her finger, and worst of all, several large and thick bandages wrapped around her head. Ajay saw that they had had to shave her head for the surgery, and instantly he missed that wavy brown hair that he always would run his fingers through.

She looked so pale and weak, and it scared Ajay out of his mind to see her lying so still. Normally she was always moving around; even in her sleep she would roll over or pull a blanket tighter around herself or snore. She was never still and never silent, and watching her be both of those things crushed him. It took all of his strength to get to a chair next to her bed before he collapsed, tears rushing down his cheeks as he grasped her hand.

“I’m so sorry,” he sobbed, completely losing the control he’d barely maintained for the last few hours. “I’m so sorry, Grace. I would do… I would do anything if it could be me that was hit and not you. I would do anything, Grace, I would…”

He trailed off, reduced to tears again. On the other side of the bed, Rosa’s cheeks glistened as she held tight to Grace’s other hand. She was whispering a prayer. 

Slowly, Ajay extended his free hand over Grace’s bed to Rosa, who took it gingerly. Mayleen stood behind Rosa, her hands on Rosa’s shoulders. Rosa began her prayer again, and Ajay closed his eyes, ready to pray to a God that he’d never believed in just for the chance to be able to talk to Grace again, to be able to live some part of that life he had wanted so badly, that life that now seemed impossible.

“Por favor, Dios, te ruego que liberes el bienestar de Grace. Por favor, que esto salga bien "

Rosa wiped her eyes and leaned over to kiss Grace’s pale, still cheek. She looked up to the ceiling.

“Dios, salvala…” she whispered. And although Ajay had never been a religious man, he nodded along and repeated what Rosa said.

“Dios, salvala.”

Mayleen echoed the plea after him, taking a seat next to Rosa and wrapping her arms around Rosa’s shoulders. 

“Dios, salvala.”

Rosa turned to bury her head into Mayleen’s chest, crying with an anguish that wrenched at Ajay’s heart. 

The three sat by Grace’s bedside, unspeaking, for hours. Jannelle came in and out a few times to check Grace’s vitals, but that was the only interruption in their silent vigil. None of them knew what to do, or what to say. Rosa obsessed over the blanket on the hospital bed, straightening out every wrinkle until there were none left. Mayleen’s eyes stayed locked on Grace, tracking the rise and fall of her chest with every shallow breath she took. Ajay continued to hold on to her hand like it was a lifeline, and unbidden images from the night seeped into his mind. He couldn’t banish them. He saw Grace get shot again and again, watched helplessly as the blood seeped down her forehead and into the fabric of her jacket. The gunman’s manic grin was printed permanently on the inside of his eyelids. He couldn’t stop hearing Grace’s desperate scream, and he still felt the bruise on his leg where she’d dug her fingernails into it.

He was jolted out of the parade of nightmares by a phone going off, which made Mayleen stand up.

“That’s her family. They just landed.”

Rosa and Ajay just nodded.

“I’m taking your car to pick them up from LaGuardia, Rosa,” Mayleen continued. “I should be back with them in forty-five minutes if everything goes well. The traffic isn’t awful this early in the morning.”

The clock read two am. Ajay nodded, then cleared his throat.

“I-I’ll call Dr. Meer. He can explain this better than we can.”

“Good idea. I’ll see you guys later.”

With that, Mayleen was out of the door. Rosa wiped her eyes and smiled softly after her girlfriend.

“We’re lucky to have her here,” she said. “Neither one of us is in the right mental state to be driving right now.”

“Even if I could drive, I wouldn’t be able to keep it together in front of her parents. I let their daughter get shot.” Ajay said blankly.

“Ajay, no!” Rosa chided, getting up to circle to his side of the room. She sat beside him and forced him to look at her, her eyes blazing. He knew he just felt empty.

“You did nothing wrong,” she continued. “You were in that shooting too. Nobody could have protected her better than you did. This is not your fault, and I know her family won’t blame you. The only person to blame for this is the man with the gun. He’s the only one who did anything wrong here.”

Ajay sighed. “I just… I wish it had been me, that’s all. I wish the bullet would’ve hit me instead of her. I wish she was safe, healthy, uninjured. I don’t know why… why she was the one shot, instead of me. She had her entire life ahead of her, and now it’s all ruined.”

“Oh, Ajay. Her life isn’t ruined, it’s just changed. She was very lucky, and we have to remember that. All we can do now is hope for the best, pray, and do everything the doctor tells us to support her as best as we can while she heals.”

“ _ If _ she heals,” Ajay said without thinking of anything but his own cynicism, but when he saw Rosa’s face fall he instantly regretted his words. “Oh, Rosa, I didn’t mean…”

“She’s  _ going  _ to heal!” Rosa yelled. “She was lucky, and there has to be a reason she was spared. She will heal, no matter how long it takes, and she’ll have me by her side every step of the way. Will she have you?”

Ajay saw the hope in her words, and as lost as he was in his own pessimism, he grabbed on to that tether of sunshine that Rosa offered him.

“She’ll have me,” he confirmed. “She’ll have me until the ends of the earth, for as long as we both live.”

“Then she is blessed,” Rosa said, a smile once again on her face. Ajay leaned over to wrap her in a hug.

“Thank you, Rosa. I couldn’t make it on my own.”

Rosa just patted his back, then pulled him to his feet. “You should go get us both some coffee. I want to be awake when Grace’s parents get here.”

“I don’t think I could sleep if I tried,” Ajay replied, but Rosa pushed him out of the room.

“You need some air. We’ve both been sitting here for far too long, but you’ve been in this hospital for over ten hours. Go, stretch your legs. Mayleen isn’t due back for another half hour. And get me some coffee. You need it too, don’t lie to yourself.”

Ajay gave a short laugh, the first smile on his face in ten hours. “Okay, okay. I’m going.”

The walk turned out to be a good idea. Ajay was able to take a breath, to look at something that wasn’t the injured and possibly dying love of his life. He adjusted his shirt, grateful again for Mayleen’s foresight in bringing the clothes to him, but feeling increasingly discombobulated and uncomfortable the longer he stood in the maze-like hallways. He never wore sweatpants unless he was sleeping, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d worn a t-shirt in public. He didn’t look like himself, and he certainly didn’t feel like himself. 

He knew he would have to go back to his apartment at some point, to get clean clothes and to take an actual shower (the hospital shower was cold and he couldn’t bear it for more than a few seconds at a time) and to eat something—his stomach grumbled just as he thought about food—but it was all he could do to just stay in the hallway, much less leave the hospital entirely. He couldn’t bear the idea of leaving Grace, even though soon her parents would be there. He couldn’t leave her.

He filled up on coffee and bought a few ready-made sandwiches from a kiosk manned by a very tired-looking employee, figuring the least he could do for Grace’s parents and brother was to give them some food after their long flight.

Regardless of what Rosa had said, Ajay still believed himself to blame for Grace’s injury.  _ He could’ve done so much more; he could’ve pulled her to safety faster, he could’ve protected her like a shield… he wished so badly that he could turn back time and take that bullet for her.  _

He turned back towards the hospital room, legs working on autopilot to get him there. He hadn’t realized how much time had passed, because Greg and Rita Lee stood inside the room, the later crying into the former’s arms. James and his fiancée stood to the side, a look of anguish clear on Grace’s twin’s face. Ajay stopped short of the room, not sure what to say, but James turned and beckoned him in.

Ajay set down the coffee and sandwiches on the small table in the room, then turned to directly face Grace’s parents.

“I’m sorry-” he could barely get out the full sentence before he was interrupted by Rita hugging him tightly.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “Rosa and Dr. Meer told us everything. You saved her.”

“I didn’t-”

“Thank you.” Greg was the one to cut him off this time. “You were there with her. Thank you.”

Ajay only nodded. He gestured to the food on the table

“This is for you. I know you had a long flight.” Then, as much as it killed him to say, he asked, “Do you want to be alone with her? As a family? Rosa, Mayleen and I can leave for a little while, and I can go get things set up for you at my apartment.”

Rita just sniffed. Greg answered. “That… would be nice. Thank you.”

“Of course,” Mayleen responded, taking over. “Can we bring you guys anything?”

Greg shook his head.

As Ajay left the room and walked out of the hospital with Mayleen and Rosa, every cell in his body screamed at him to stay. But he knew that her family wanted to be alone with her, and that was the most important thing now.

The next few days passed mechanically for the entire group. Ajay, Grace’s parents, Mayleen and Rosa all traded shifts watching over Grace and eating, showering and sleeping, Grace’s family taking up residence in Ajay’s apartment on the rare occasion that they left the hospital. Rosa brought a book that she began reading to Grace’s unconscious form whenever she was there between rehearsals, having read that speaking to comatose patients helped them. Janelle became like family to them, as she came in and out of Grace’s hospital room once every few hours, persistently checking and documenting her vital signs.

Grace slowly improved. Three days after the shooting, she improved to a minimally conscious state after Dr. Meer discontinued the use of the medication keeping her in a coma. The doctor found her improvement incredibly encouraging. After Grace’s parents passed on the news, Ajay spent hours alone in the hospital room with her, marveling whenever the simple touch of his hand made her eyelids flutter, holding on to the hope that he was given whenever her eyes opened, even though they were still blank and would close moments later. By the fourth day, she had started to snore again, as the doctors had assessed that it was safe to remove her from the support of the respirator.

Every signal of improvement was celebrated by the group, who increased the hours by her bedside. They got to know the hospital staff unnervingly well, and Rosa stress-baked tons of pastries and started bringing them in for all the hospital staff. Mayleen and Rosa each returned to work after a few days, but both came by, separately and together, at least once a day. Ajay had been fortunately free of a project, so he only left the hospital to work shifts at his coffee shop to continue to pay his rent. 

Besides Grace’s parents, at least one of whom was always by her side, Ajay was there the most. He sat with her for hours upon hours, barely getting any sleep, just breathing with her and holding her hand through the endless seconds. He traded stories with Greg and Rita about Grace, getting to know them again and getting to know her history as he never had before. Every day, when Rosa showed up, she prayed. Ajay would always join her, figuring that they could all use a helping hand when it came to her.

After seven days of unconsciousness, Grace’s hand stirred in Ajay’s and her eyes slowly opened.

Used to this, Grace’s father, the only one besides Ajay in there as Rita and James were asleep at Ajay’s apartment, immediately began to talk to her.

“Hey, Gracie. It’s nice to see your eyes again. Did you sleep well? We know you’re doing a lot of healing in there, so take your time, but come back to us soon, okay?”

“You nearly said something intelligible yesterday,” Ajay added, a smile crossing both his and Greg’s faces as they recalled the event. “We think you were trying to say a word, but it was just some mumbling. Then you fell back asleep for a few minutes, then did it again. It was almost funny, kind of like how you always talk in your sleep.”

“She still does that?” Greg asked, a hint of laughter in his voice. “When she was little, she’d have complete conversations with herself in the middle of the night.”

“Oh, well, nothing that clear,” Ajay replied. “She’ll just mumble sometimes.”

Greg laughed. “I guess some things never change.”

Grace’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, and she blinked several times. Nobody had seen this before. Greg and Ajay watched her closely, surprised when she turned her head to make direct eye contact with her father.

Both men waited, holding their breath with anticipation, as Grace continued to stare at Greg. Ajay felt her hand tighten around his, and he took in a quick breath as her mouth opened.

She let out a confused groan, then pressed her lips together, all while still maintaining eye contact with Greg. Ajay took a few pictures and sent them to a group message that everybody had created.

**Ajay: [three images attached]**

**Ajay:** She’s making eye contact with Greg, her hands are both moving, and she vocalized.

Grace’s eyebrows furrowed even more, and she squinted like she was having trouble seeing what was in front of her.

“Gracie?” Greg asked, leaning toward his daughter. Ajay saw him squeeze her hand. “Grace, are you there?”

Then slowly but surely, Grace stopped squinting and opened her mouth again, this time to form a word.

“Dad?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace wakes up. How will both she and Ajay cope with this new life?

**Ajay:** I think she’s awake.

**Ajay:** She’s very confused, but she knows who Greg is and she seemed somewhat familiar with me. 

**Ajay:** We’re calling Dr. Meer in, but get here as soon as possible.

**Rita:** On our way

**Mayleen:** same here.

Upon looking up from his phone, Ajay felt Grace squeeze his hand. When he looked to her face, he was alarmed to see tears running down her cheeks.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking around for the nurse’s call button. “Are you in pain? Should I call a nurse?”

Grace shook her head and squeezed his hand again.

“I… I....” she said, clearly struggling to link words together. “I… I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Ajay asked, genuinely confused.

“I don’t know who you are!” she burst out, ripping her hand out of his and slamming it down on the mattress of the hospital bed as tears started coming even more quickly. “I know you. But I can’t…” she cut herself off with a sigh, and reached up to wipe her tears away violently. “I can’t think of your name. Or our...” she trailed off again.

“That’s okay,” Ajay assured her, even as his heart crumbled into tiny pieces. “I’m Ajay. I’m your boyfriend.”

“Oh,” she said, then leaned back against the pillow that was propping her up. 

Ajay reached for her hand again, and she took it tentatively, unsmiling. She searched his face for a second, doubtlessly trying to connect his face to what he just said, and then turned back to her dad.

“What… happened?” she asked him.

Greg looked to Ajay, trying to figure out the best way to word it.

“Um, you and Ajay were in a restaurant, and a man with a gun started shooting. You were hit in the head by a stray bullet.”

There was a long silence as Grace struggled to process that information. She didn’t say anything else for a long time, and Greg and Ajay were equally as silent until Dr. Meer came into the room.

“Grace! Good to see you awake.”

Grace looked even more frustrated at this, and tears started rolling down her cheeks again. Instinctively, Ajay squeezed her hand, and she squeezed it back. She looked just as surprised as he did, so it was probably a reflex, but Ajay found it encouraging. Subconsciously, at least, she knew who he was. After a second, they both focused back on the matter at hand.

“Awake?”

The doctor sat down at the end of the bed, flipping through her chart.

“Yes. You were unconscious for almost seven days.”

Grace’s face crumpled again, and she looked to her father.

“Seven… days?”

Greg just nodded, and Grace looked down at her blanket. “Oh.”

Dr. Meer waited before pressing on, asking questions about how Grace felt and who she recognized and what she remembered. He took every answer as a good sign, even though Ajay thought it couldn’t possibly be a good sign that she didn’t remember him at all.

“It’s good that she recognizes you,” the doctor said to Ajay, having pulled him and Greg outside into the hall. “I know it hurts to not have her know who you are. But she recognizes you, and she knows that she  _ should _ know you. That’s very good. We often see with newly-awakened patients that they recognize people better when they’ve been in their lives for longer. So she’ll probably just know her immediate family right now, and that’s ok.”

“Will she… ever remember me again?” Ajay asked, trying not to sound too upset.

“Of course she will. Her memory should start to return within the day. Most likely she’ll have occasional memory lapses for the next few weeks, but nothing severe and definitely nothing worth worrying about.”

“I don’t understand,” Greg said. “How did she get this lucky? She was shot in the head. She could have died, but she’s awake now?”

The doctor rubbed a hand over his face, and directed the two men to chairs in the hallway.

“While it’s true that most victims of head gunshots die, the degree of damage depends on the bullet’s location and velocity. Because the bullet was fast, it entered and exited her head. This is best, because a bullet still in her brain could continue to cause damage and interrupt healing. Additionally, she was lucky considering the location of the bullet. The damage was confined to one side of her frontal lobe. She will struggle with speaking, social and emotional cues, and memory for the next few months, but our current plan will be to treat her in a rehabilitative care facility. During that time, the undamaged parts of her brain will slowly learn to take over those functions.

“I don’t want to lie to you. It will be a long, difficult and painful recovery, for her and for you. She will probably have to re-learn how to walk, she may have to go to speech therapy—I’m sure you have noticed how much she struggled with pronunciation of simple words—and she’ll definitely have to spend a long time in physical, emotional, and occupational therapy before she can adjust back to normal life. And even then, it’s unlikely that she’ll be suited to the demands of working as an actress, especially considering how she’s likely going to struggle with conveying emotion.”

Tears pricked at Ajay’s eyes. He tried to remind himself once again that she was lucky, that they were all incredibly lucky, but he couldn’t quite convince himself of that.  _ She wouldn’t be able to act anymore? _ Logically, he knew that her job was stressful and physically demanding, and that after a serious injury like this she would be out of commission in the show business world for at least a year, maybe more. But  _ never again? _ Grace loved performing, lived for it. He didn’t envy the person who would break the news to her, and hoped desperately that it wouldn’t be him.

Greg held up a hand. “Can we wait until my wife gets here? I want to hear about all the options we have for her treatment.”

Ajay looked up and down the hallway, and caught sight of Grace’s mom running towards them. He waved her over, and held open the door for her.

Grace looked up as soon as Rita entered the room.

“Mom,” she said immediately, digging another hole in Ajay’s heart. “What? Dad… why?”

Rita’s eyes filled with tears, and she ran to embrace her daughter. Grace hugged her back, but looked confused and a little irritated at all of the attention.

Greg walked in the room, placing a hand on his wife’s back.

“Hon, Dr. Meer needs to talk to us. Can you come out for a minute?”

Rita looked upset to leave her daughter’s side, but nodded and got up carefully. “I’ll be back in a bit, hon,” she said to Grace, who didn’t react.

Ajay stood up to follow them out, but Greg stopped him.

“Um, Ajay, would you mind keeping Grace company? We don’t want her to be alone.”

“Oh,” he said, wanting to challenge the request, but then he backed down. “Sure thing.” He made his way back to Grace’s bedside.

Once the door had closed, Grace spoke up again.

“What… talking? Doctor?” She looked extremely frustrated at not being able to word her sentences, clenching her jaw and crumpling her hand into a tight fist. Ajay reached for the fist, unwadding her hand and massaging it gently.

“They’re just talking about your treatment. We’re gonna get you back on your feet soon, but they need different doctors to help.”

“Too many doctors,” Grace grumbled, and Ajay laughed.

“You’ve only seen one doctor!”

Grace glared at him.

“Too many doctors,” she repeated, then cracked a smile. Ajay smiled too, finally feeling a little ray of sunshine coming back into his life. That was  _ her _ smile, the one he had memorized. He wanted so badly to press his lips to that smile, to kiss her for the first time in seven days, but he also didn’t think it would go over very well. Especially since she seemed confused every time she looked at him.

“So…” she said. “Boyfriend.”

“Yup. Boyfriend.” Ajay replied cheekily, prompting Grace’s laugh. It was flat and short, but it was still hers, and it still lightened his heart that much more.

“I mean… why.”

“Why?”

Grace groaned. “Why me?”

“Why am I your boyfriend?”

She nodded.

“I don’t really know. I just got lucky enough to win you over.”

Grace smiled, and looked down at their linked hands, him still rubbing her fingers.

“You’re lucky? I think… I’m lucky.”

Ajay raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah?”

Grace visibly struggled with what to say next, but eventually gave up, her lips pursed in irritation.

“It’s okay, Grace. You’ve been through a lot. Nobody expects you to be fully functional right now.

“Yeah,” she said, but she still looked angry. She fisted her other hand in her blanket, and pulled back on the one Ajay was holding to wrap it around herself. Ajay let her go, thinking she might have needed space.

At that point, Greg and Rita reentered, followed by Mayleen, Rosa, James, and his fiancée Alyssa. To Ajay’s relief, Grace didn’t seem to recognize Mayleen, Rosa or Alyssa either. She seemed familiar with Mayleen and Rosa the same way she had been with him, but didn’t know Alyssa at all, even though she did a good job covering it up.

Still, she seemed to enjoy the company of the three girls and her brother, and Ajay fell back to let her talk to them for awhile. He wanted nothing more than to stay by her side for hours and tell her about every single thing that had ever happened in the long years that they’d known each other, but he knew that would be overwhelming. 

As he sat back and watched her, he noticed her eyes flit over to him every so often, even when other people were talking. She didn’t seem distracted by any means, but just like she was curious about him. He remembered those looks from  _ Bonnie & Clyde _ , when he had first joined the production. It had felt like she was analyzing him, measuring him up to the idea of him that she’d had in her head before seeing him. She analyzed him now, probably comparing him to whatever type of boyfriend that her healing brain thought she’d have. Maybe she was searching her memory for him. Or maybe–

“You look good,” she said suddenly and loudly, right to him. 

“Me?” he asked still, because she had completely interrupted whatever Rosa had been saying. Everyone in the room looked between them, falling silent.

“Yes. That’s… why.” she replied.

“Why?”

She took a breath in, trying to control her irritation.

“Why… I’m lucky.”

Ajay couldn’t stop the smile as it spread back across his face. Rosa cooed, and Ajay even saw Mayleen crack a smirk. Grace’s parents exchanged glances that Ajay found altogether too sketchy, but he let it go. His heart swelled with her broken, flat words, because he knew she meant them. And even though she might not remember who he was to her, somewhere deep inside a locked part of her mind, she still knew she loved him. And Ajay was determined to love her for the rest of time, to help her unlock that part of her mind that kept information about him, about Rosa and Mayleen and Alyssa, about the shooting, away from her. 

He felt a great wave of peace rush over him. They could do this together. Wherever she went for rehabilitation, he’d visit as much as he could. He’d find some kind of reliable job, he’d make enough to support both of them, and he’d be by her side through all the pain of her recovery. The future that had fallen away back in the restaurant had come back with a vengeance, even though it was modified. He still saw himself living out the rest of his life by her side, but it would be a life out of the spotlight. For both of them.

As he walked home that evening with Alyssa, the two of them having let James, Greg and Rita take some private time with her, he felt a new sunshine in his life. A soft ray of it, faint but steady, one that he knew would grow with time. And god, he was ready for it. He was ready for all the challenges that would come with loving Grace, he was ready to make the sacrifice that it would take, because she was everything. He loved directing and he loved the show business, but what was that life without someone to come home to? Someone in the audience who, later that night, would wrap him up in all of her limbs and whisper everything she loved about the show into his ear? 

It was an empty hobby. Ajay saw that now, all these months later. He truly enjoyed and loved directing, but he’d always feel that pang of loneliness when he got home at night to a silent apartment, when the high from the triumphant performance fell hard from lacking anybody to share it with.

In a perfect world, he thought, he could have both Grace and directing. But in this world, he’d rather have her.

The next day, Ajay didn’t have work so he decided to spend most of the day with Grace. As soon as he woke up, he checked his phone and found a message from her father, sent fifteen minutes earlier.

**Greg:** She’s asking for you. As soon as she woke up, she asked where you were.

**Ajay:** By name? Or just because I was there yesterday?

**Greg:** No, she seems pretty distressed that you’re not here. I told her you were sleeping, but she wouldn’t leave me alone until I said I texted you. She keeps asking if you’re okay.

**Ajay:** That’s.. Encouraging? I’ll be right there.

**Greg:** Thanks, I think we should trade off. I need something to eat and some clean clothes.

Ajay grabbed a few snacks to take with him, including some of Grace’s favorites, and began the journey to the hospital. From his apartment it wasn’t far, but he got caught in rush hour on the trains and arrived far later than he had intended. He opened the door, relieved a very tired-looking Greg, and stepped fully into the room.

“Hey nerd.”

He turned to look, and there she was. Sitting upright in her bed, eyes shimmering, that smile she saved only for him on her face. He rushed over and pulled her into a hug.

“Hey, janu. You’re back.”

“I’m back. I remember, but you have to help.”

“Of course,” he said, smiling at her. It was so good to have her back, his heart was full again. He knew she was there from the soul he finally saw behind her eyes, from the slight oddities in her expression when she looked at him. They were the same, and she was the same.

“But first,” she said, reaching out to him again, “Kiss me.”

“I’ve been wanting to,” Ajay said, laughing. Carefully, he cupped her cheek and pressed his lips to hers. It was a blissful feeling, her hand coming around to stroke through his hair as she kissed him back. “God, I missed you,” he said once they broke apart. Grace just smiled as Ajay took a seat by her bedside.

“So, what do you remember?”

“Um… restaurant… but inside a hotel?”

“Yup. It was going to be our first official date since getting back together.”

“Yeah. You wore...blue. Me too.”

“You wore a blue dress and a white jacket,” Ajay confirmed. “I had a blue suit.”

Grace’s expression turned somber. “People… died. A man, his wife. Some staff.”

Ajay nodded, and took Grace’s hand. “Yes.”

“You weren’t hurt?”

“No, I’m fine. Physically.”

She squeezed his hand sympathetically. “Scared? Nightmares?”

Loathe as he was to accept pity from someone who had been shot in the head, he nodded. “Yes to both.”

She nodded. “Me too. It’s better…” she trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence.

“Take your time, Grace. We’re not in a rush.”

Tears formed in her eyes, but she nodded and wiped them away, still thinking. She took her time, but the triumph on her face when she came up with the full sentence was worth every second.

“It’s better that we’re together,” she finally said. Ajay bent to kiss the back of her hand.

“I couldn’t agree more.”

The two spent hours alone in the hospital room, Grace sorting out the memories with Ajay’s help. Ajay was just happy to have her back. By dinnertime, though, Greg and Rita returned, accompanied by James, Rosa and Mayleen.

Grace looked excited to see her best friend and roommate, and even extracted a promise out of Mayleen to sneak Isra into the hospital to see her. Ajay wasn’t sure that was legal, but figured it was Mayleen’s problem if she got caught. He looked on happily as Grace talked with Rosa and Mayleen, a funny conversation even if most of Grace’s jokes only came out half-formed. It was just so nice to have her back that everyone was in a great mood.

Everyone, it seemed, except for Rita and Greg, who were in the corner whispering to each other again.

“...said we’d tell him when she remembered…” Rita whispered before Greg cut her off.

“...just tell him now..."

Rita nodded once, then stood. “Ajay, can Greg and I discuss something with you?”

Bewildered, Ajay nodded. He blew a kiss to Grace as they left the hospital room, but she seemed too distracted by a story Mayleen was telling her to notice. He didn’t mind, though. He was focused on whatever her parents wanted to talk to him about.

The three made their way down to the cafeteria and found a quiet corner. As they all sat down, Greg cleared his throat.

“Ajay, I really hope you don’t take what we want to say the wrong way. It’s clear that you care for Grace, especially because of all the time you’ve spent with her in this past week.”

“But you also have yourself to think about,” Rita finished. 

Ajay nodded, but he was still confused. “Yes, I know. I’ve been working, and I’ve been sleeping okay.”

“That’s not it, Ajay. We really, really appreciate all the things you’ve done for Grace. Truly. But the thing is…” he shared an uneasy glance with Rita, “We want to take her back home for the rest of her recovery. There’s a facility where she’ll stay short-term that’s just a half hour out of Cedar Cove. We can’t leave the Golden Griddle closed forever. ”

Ajay nodded. “Okay. That’s what I thought you guys would do. What’s the problem, then?”

Rita looked at the table, fidgeting with her wedding band. Greg placed a hand over hers, which seemed to give her the strength to continue what she was saying.

“You shouldn’t come with us, Ajay. You belong here, your life and everything you’ve worked for is here. Grace’s recovery is going to take a long time, and it’s going to be exhausting. If you came with us, you’d be giving up everything, and we can’t let you do that.”

Something terribly cold flooded Ajay’s veins.  _ They don’t want me there? _ He couldn’t believe it, that he was watching that faint sunshine fade again. The new life he’d wanted was slipping away from him, right alongside the woman he loved. He was losing her, for the third time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gets full rom-com here

Chapter 4

Ajay opened his mouth to argue with Greg and Rita, but nothing came out. Instead, he was hit by an overwhelming wave of anxiety.

_ Lose Grace? Never see her again? I’d rather… _ He didn’t let himself finish the thought. The anxiety, the sheer panic in his chest had rendered him speechless, paralyzed.

“I… you don’t want me to come?” he managed.

“Ajay, it’s not that,” Greg replied. “It’s just that, well, we think you deserve a chance to live your life on your terms. We don’t want you to feel trapped with Grace, and we wouldn’t dream of taking you away from your dreams.”

“I remember you always talking about shows you were directing or wanted to direct back when you and Grace were in high school,” Rita added. “You finally get to do that and- and we don’t want anything to stand in your way.”

“Yeah,” Greg said, finally making eye contact with Ajay. He looked sad, but resolute. And that sent Ajay off the edge of the cliff entirely with Greg’s next words.

“You’re like a son to us. And we want better for you than what… what Grace can offer. You’d be doing both of you a favor, honestly. She can’t keep up with city life anymore, and she’d feel so guilty if she felt like she forced you to give up everything you loved for her. It’s better for both of you that you just… stay.”

_ She can’t keep up. She’d feel so guilty, forced to give up, stand in my way. Trapped… like a son to us… _

He didn’t know what to think. They all sat in silence as Ajay tried to process what they were saying– but he couldn’t. He couldn’t think. A wave of panic filled him. He didn’t know what to do,  _ but I always know what to do _ , and he saw what they were thinking.  _ Would I be bad for Grace? I would be bad. I might get bitter. I’m impatient. She doesn’t- she doesn’t- _

_ She doesn’t need me. _

The thought hit him like a train, like a bullet to the head. He couldn’t think of anything except the overwhelming pain, because they were right, of course they were right, they were absolutely right.

He could be callous at the best of times, merciless at the worst. He was impatient, snarky, controlling– in short, everything Grace didn’t need during her recovery. It was for her sake, not his, that he shakily stood and turned to Grace’s parents.

“I understand,” he said. “Just, let me be the one to tell her.”

Not knowing his way, he somehow fumbled his way back to the hospital room. Seeing the look on his face and being prompted by Greg and Rita, everyone cleared out so that he could be alone with Grace. He sat down uneasily in the chair nearest to her bed.

“I love you,” he started, “And I think I’ll probably always love you.”

“...What?” Grace asked, seeming confused by his flat tone and his distracted expression. 

“But I’m not good for you,” he said, the words flooding out quickly like he couldn’t stop them. “Your parents asked me not to come with you while you’re in rehabilitation, and I- I understand why. I have to let you live your life.”

“Ajay, no…” Grace tried, tears starting to spill down her cheeks. She grasped for his hand and he held onto it desperately, a movement that was inadvisable as it was necessary for his survival.

“I’m rude. I’m sarcastic.” His voice started to break. “I get impatient, I can’t stand being idle, I’m selfish. I would weigh you down, you wouldn’t be able to recover as quickly.”

“I-I need–”

“No, you don’t,” he said gently, cutting her off while holding back tears. “You’re better off without me.”

“Parents said… not true!” she nearly wailed, and the sound shattered Ajay’s heart. He couldn’t look into her eyes, and he loosened his grip on her hand. “They don’t… know…”

“I’m sorry,” Ajay said again, letting go of her entirely. Soundbites of his conversation with her parents overwhelmed him again.  _ I’m bad for her _ , he reminded himself.

“I’m bad for you,” he said aloud, robotically, “And for your recovery. I love you. I will always love you. But I’m too...” he couldn’t think of the word. “I love you,” he said, surrendering. He stood, leaned over to kiss Grace’s cheek that was still wet with her tears, a hand steadying her shaking shoulders.

Then he left the hospital room for the last time.

Ajay stumbled home, only subconsciously registering which trains he was on, not really hearing the announcements for the stops. He climbed the stairs to his apartment and walked in, the room deafeningly silent for the first time since he’d started living there. 

His shaky legs couldn’t carry him all the way to his bedroom, and he collapsed to the floor as soon as he’d closed the front door behind him and bolted it shut.

The sharp pain of the trauma hit him for the first time right there as he laid on the carpet. It had been like he was living in a bubble before, even through thinking Grace might die, because he hadn’t lost her yet. He hadn’t lost her until now, and the deep pain of it tore through his body, culminating in shaking sobs and tears that fell on his glasses until he took them off and let the tears free fall onto the floor.

Had it been this bad the first time? Surely not. Back then, it had been the right decision. Neither of them had wanted to break up, but they both knew it was senseless to draw out a relationship across an entire continent, one that couldn’t survive the distance. They’d known, they’d agreed, it had been painful, but not like this. Nothing was like this.

_ In some roundabout way, _ he figured,  _ this is all my fault. _ He had insisted that they go to dinner on time. Had they been even ten minutes late for the reservation, they would’ve heard gunshots and been able to leave safely. Even during the shooting, if they had still gone right at 6, he could’ve protected her. He could’ve shielded her better, stood between her and the gunman, instead of hesitating like he had.

_ It’s my fault she’s hurt, _ he concluded, the realization only bending, snapping, crushing his ribs with the force of the guilt that came over him.  _ Screw my life. Hers is the one that’s been ruined. And it’s my fault. _

He’d never wished to turn back time before, but he did now. He wanted it more than anything. The simple ability to go back. To pull her out of the way, to shield her with his own body, even to take the bullet for her would be an incomparable luxury. Instead, his body was breaking apart from the inside as he lay alone on the floor of his apartment. His soul felt like it was trying to escape his body through his chest as his heart sped up, through his mouth as he barely made it to the trash can in time to retch into it, through his fingers as they curled and uncurled, wanting to make this better in any way they could, but they couldn’t. The damage had been done. Grace had slipped through those very fingers, and along with her went his own sanity.

The pain he had been suppressing for Grace’s sake, the panic in his bones at every darkened shadow, at every loud noise, it all exploded out of him. He blocked every window, kept every light on, locked every door behind him. He trembled in fear at the slightest footstep, jumped at the sharp sound of anything falling.

For three full days he stayed in his room, barely registering the entry and exit of Grace’s family with all their belongings. He felt like there was a string pulling him towards the airport, onto the plane, all the way back to Cedar Cove with Grace. But the further away she got, the string frayed more and more. It never snapped completely, just pulled on the shattered pieces of his heart enough to hurt.

And so another day passed. And then another. And another. Empty seconds, all of them. Ajay tried to fill them with video games with Jake, with breaks spent talking to his coffee shop coworkers, but it wasn’t ever good. It wasn’t ever right.

He missed her, and most importantly, he missed himself. He wasn’t himself, he hadn't been since the shooting. He’d been so focused on Grace’s recovery that he hadn’t let himself heal. This didn’t go unnoticed by Jake, who moved back in after the Lees went back to Oregon.

Ajay had stopped cooking (the loud pops of hot oil freaked him out more than he’d ever admit), and he spent most of his time in his room. That’s where he was when Jake knocked lightly on the door, then came in without waiting for a response. Jake sat on the corner of Ajay’s bed.

“Dude, we need to talk.”

“Jesus, Jake, am I not allowed some privacy in my own home?”

“Privacy?” Jake snorted. “You’ve barely done anything but isolate yourself for the past week. You’re miserable. You need to do something about it.”

“Oh, so I’m not allowed to be heartbroken? I can’t bounce back that quickly.”

“You’re allowed to be heartbroken. But I know that’s not all that’s wrong. I noticed that you don’t cook anymore, I see how you survey everyone in the room whenever you go into a public place. It’s not you.”

Loathe as Ajay was to admit it, what Jake said was true. Every time he went to a restaurant, he inspected everyone. They were all a threat until proven otherwise. Every hand in a jacket pocket was a hand holding a pistol, every shady glance was someone scoping out how many people they could kill and still escape before the police came.

“I…,” Ajay tried, but he couldn’t quite vocalize his feelings. “I’m not…”

“You’re not you, Ajay.”

“I’m- I’m not,” Ajay admitted. Jake scooped him up into a bear hug.

“You have some money saved up, right? I’ll help you find a therapist. I’m going to help you through this, because I miss my best friend. Ok?”

For the first time in a week, Ajay smiled.

“Alright.”

So twice a week, shortly after his long shifts at the coffee shop ended, he would make his way to Brooklyn to visit the best therapist he and Jake could find for the lowest cost possible. It hadn’t been easy, but the therapist, Dr. Mac, was someone he felt like he could talk to about what happened. And that’s how the healing started. It wasn’t quick, but Ajay found himself improving steadily.

Dr. Mac plunged in full speed ahead through the dangerous riptides of Ajay’s brain, and together they worked through everything. Slowly, Ajay started to open up. He attended a support group that had been founded for survivors of mass shootings. With Jake’s support, he started looking for directing jobs again. He resisted the urge to profile everyone in a café until it became easy not to. He used realistic statistics to calm his anxiety, he slept with earplugs so that the city-typical bangs and crashes wouldn’t wake him up in a panic, he learned survival strategies.

Through it all, in the year that passed since the shooting, the year that marked some of the strongest days of Ajay’s life, there was still something missing.

On the anniversary, a vigil was held outside the hotel. Ajay and Jake were two of hundreds in attendance. So many people came that the authorities had to cordon off the block. They lit candles, and stood near the front of the crowd, behind a couple that Ajay felt like he recognized, but he couldn’t quite be sure.

“It’s better,” one woman said, squeezing the hand of the other, “to have someone to talk to.”

The other woman nodded. Ajay agreed with them, thinking of all of Jake’s support over the last year. Thinking of all the confessions in support group that had helped him learn and grow. Thinking of Dr. Mac’s strategies, and how he always listened nonjudgmentally to whatever Ajay said.

“Someone who knows,” the first woman said. “Who knows what it was like in there, who knows how it is to walk around with the gunshots still echoing through your head.”

“I’m glad I have you,” the other one said. “I wouldn’t have survived the shooting without you, and I wouldn’t have survived this year without you either.”

_ Someone who knows what it was like in there, _ Ajay thought almost involuntarily, and he knew what it meant. In the year since, he hadn’t stopped missing Grace for a single second. Months ago, he had reached out to her after seeing a video she shared online in which she relearned how to walk. He’d told her how proud he was of her recovery, and apologized for the way he’d left her.

And she understood completely, like nobody else ever would. She agreed that he needed to take time for himself, not worrying about her recovery. He told her about everything: the therapy, directing, Jake’s support. He’d even confessed to her that something felt missing in his life, like a hole in his heart that ached all the time. She’d said she felt the same way.

And that was why he had, sitting innocently in his blazer pocket, a one-way plane ticket to Oregon that left the next morning.

Because what the couple in front of him were saying was absolutely correct, and he’d reached that conclusion himself weeks ago. When he arrived home, he wanted her to be there. When his actors spectacularly messed up a scene, she was the one he wanted to tell about it. He wanted someone by his side, he wanted someone not just to soothe his paranoia but to understand it, to share it-

And that’s when he knew it. No matter how bad he might think he was for her, no matter how long it took for her to recover—no, for them both to recover, because his own journey was far from over—he needed her.

She needed him, too. His place was by her side, and her place by his. They belonged together, and though they’d gone through hell, they went through it together. The new hell was an empty apartment, the cold side of the bed.

So a month ago, he had started planning. He’d talked to his parents, and he, Shruti and Samir all together had come up with enough money for a sizeable down payment on a small house just outside of Cedar Cove. The community theatre in the city close by was ecstatic to have a Broadway director come to work with them, so that took care of some of the money, but he knew he’d need a lot more to pay off the mortgage, repay his parents, pay rent for the rest of his lease with Jake, and support a life for himself and hopefully Grace.

With that in mind, he’d called Grace’s parents. He paced around the apartment for the entire time the phone was ringing, until he heard Rita’s voice on the other end.

_ “This is the Golden Griddle, my name is Rita, how can I help you today?” _

_ “Yes, do you have any employment opportunities?” _

A crucial part of his recovery thus far had been regaining the ability to cook. Bit by bit, as he worked his way back through his mother’s cookbook, he became more and more confident and found more and more passion in the art of cooking. He’d found something to fall in love with again, just as he had with directing, and just as he had with Grace.

He had shifts at the Golden Griddle as a short order cook. He had an entire cast and crew under his command. All he needed now was her, the perfect third part to the harmony that was growing in his life.

So that Monday morning he woke up at five am, grabbed the suitcases that contained all his worldly possessions besides the furniture of his that had been moved out a few days before, and caught a six hour flight from New York’s JFK airport to the airport in Portland, Oregon. It was a long flight, and Ajay had come prepared. Downloaded on his phone were the Broadway Original Soundtracks of every show Grace had done, including the musicals they’d done together in high school. Those were the ones he listened to when he missed her the most. 

At 8 am Pacific Daylight Time he arrived in Portland, and his stomach rumbled through the entire two-hour train ride to the city closest to Cedar Cove. His mother and Mohit, out of school for the summer, picked him up at the train station and drove him to his new house.

It was a tiny little thing, a two-bed one-bath cottage that was only a little bigger than his and Jake’s apartment back in Manhattan. He was overcome by the generosity of his parents and he hugged his mother, resolving to go see his dad as soon as he could. 

Shruti and Mohit shared lunch with him, Shruti having generously brought murgh makhani to help Ajay settle in. Ajay endured relentless teasing from his mother and Mohit about the grand gesture he was making for Grace, but he knew they were happy for him. He knew his mother, especially, was just happy to have him back on the West coast. 

“You’ll need a car, you know,” Shruti said with a smile as she and Mohit got ready to leave. “Lucky for you, your father kept your old car from high school. It should still work. He left it behind the house for you. It probably needs gas.”

He grinned and hugged his mother tightly, then did the same to Mohit, who he just realized was impossibly taller than him. After exacting a promise to host dinner for them that week, they drove off and Ajay walked around the house back to his old car.

As he ran his hand along the door, he thought about all the memories this car had to offer. This car had gotten him everywhere he’d needed to go in high school. To and from school, back from rehearsals that ran late, because there really was no other kind, even on dates with Grace. This car had been the place he’d first kissed her, the place he’d first confessed his love for her. It had also been the place they’d broken off their first, fragile little relationship so many years ago. 

The engine sputtered as he turned the key in the ignition, but came to life with a steady rumble, and Ajay made his way back into Cedar Cove, a place he hadn’t been in nearly five years.

He found the Golden Griddle easily and parked, his heart leaping as he saw Grace through the broad windows.

He had to laugh a little, because she looked just like she’d looked as Bonnie in  _ Bonnie & Clyde _ , minus the red hair. Her hair was shorter because it hadn’t had enough time to grow back fully, but he thought the length suited her. She wore a short red dress with an apron tied over it, and the first bars of “Picture Show” sang their way through Ajay’s head, including that moment he’d fallen for her again.

Taking a deep breath to quell the anxiety that still rang too loudly through his chest, something else he was working on, he stepped into the diner. It was loud, so she didn’t look up when the bell above the door chimed. He made his way over to the counter and sat on the stool, waiting for her to notice him.

“Hi, welcome to the Golden Grid-” She stopped short when she finally looked up and recognized him.

For a minute they just stared at each other and, Cedar Cove being the small town that it was, everyone else in the diner stared at them too. Then, a huge grin, a little wonky but still exactly hers, grew on Grace’s face. Her eyes turned from bright to brighter and glistened with tears as she took him in, and she covered the smile on her face with her hands. 

“Hi,” she squeaked, and Ajay just laughed. He tugged her hands away from her mouth, then stood up to go behind the counter and wrap her into a huge hug.

“Hi yourself,” he said.

“Wh- what are you- you-” she said, overcome with emotion. He could feel her body shaking and held her tighter. When he finally broke away, though, he noticed that all was not as well as he’d hoped.

She was ghostly pale, the smile fading from her face and shaking taking over her entire body. Her hands shook until she listed forward, losing balance. He caught her and laid her gently on the ground.

“Grace? Grace!” he yelled, as her shaking just continued. Her eyes fell shut and her head listed to the side. Her arms and legs started to jerk around. She was clearly unconscious.

Ajay couldn’t do anything but panic as the diner around him turned to pandemonium, as a man brusquely pushed him to the side to turn Grace over onto her side. Ajay started to shake, overcome with panic.

He had come all this way...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...i might be writing an epilogue. But seriously, thanks so much to those of you who kept reading this! I know the fandom is sorta (completely) dead rn, but I do this writing thing for a reason. And the reason is you. So thanks for giving me the will to go on, lol. I hope you enjoy this last chapter (and stay tuned for the epilogue).

Chapter 5

“Jacket.”

Ajay tried to blink the blurriness out of his eyes, and looked around incredulously for the source of the request. The love of his life was convulsing on the floor and some man was asking for his jacket?

“Ajay, jacket,” the voice said, a little more urgently this time. Ajay made himself focus, and in front of him he saw Greg Lee kneeling beside his daughter, hand outstretched towards Ajay. Not really understanding but willing to comply, Ajay shed his blazer and handed it to Greg, who quickly folded it up and put it under Grace’s head. He also untied her apron.

By the time Ajay looked up, Rita had already finished clearing customers away to give Grace some space. Grace slowly stopped shaking, and Greg seemed to relax. Ajay’s eyes widened, but he started to calm down. He hadn’t even noticed he was hyperventilating, and tried to take deeper, steadier breaths.

Rita came up behind Ajay and put a comforting hand on his shoulder as Greg worried over Grace, smoothing her hair back as she came to. Ajay took one of Grace’s limp hands, trying not to be reminded of how he held it when she was in a coma at the hospital nearly a year ago.

Her eyes slowly refocused and immediately filled with embarrassment upon seeing Ajay. She tried to sit up, but Greg held her down by the shoulders.

“Don’t sit up too fast,” he said, smiling down to her. “You had a seizure, but you’re okay. You’re here in our diner. Ajay’s here. I’m guessing he surprised you?”

Grace’s eyes flicked to Ajay, then back to her father. She nodded slowly, and Ajay felt guilt crawl up from his chest into his throat.

_ I did this to her, _ he thought.  _ I knew I was bad for her. I shouldn’t have come back. _

As if she could read his mind, Grace squeezed the hand that was holding hers. 

“I wish you hadn’t seen that,” she said slowly. “I’m sorry.”

Ajay shook his head rapidly. “You have nothing to be sorry about, janu. I’m the one who should apologize for sneaking up on you like that.”

“I’m embarrassed,” she admitted, covering her eyes with her free hand. “Everyone in the diner saw.”

“It’s okay. They’re just glad you’re safe,” Rita cut in. “They don’t think any less of you.”

As Grace sighed, Ajay’s mind boiled with thoughts, the worst of which bubbled to the surface.

_ What if she doesn’t want me? What if I can’t take care of her like she needs? I’m bad for her. I caused this to happen. I should’ve known. I shouldn’t have come back. She would be okay if I hadn’t have come back. _

“I’m sorry,” Ajay repeated, unable to think of anything else to say. Alarm filled Grace’s sleepy-looking eyes.

“No,” she said simply, a hint of a smile crossing her face. “You didn’t know. It’s not your fault.”

Ajay wasn’t convinced, but seeing her smile was enough to banish his worries for now. At her prompting, he and Greg helped her up into a seated position, her back leaning against the bottom of the counter.

“She has epilepsy,” Greg said softly, turning to Ajay. “A nasty development we found during her recovery. It’s managed well with her medication, but… Gracie?” he asked, turning to his daughter.

“Hm?”

“Did you take your medicine today?”

“No,” Grace admitted, looking even more sheepish than before.

“That’s why, then,” Greg decided. “The combination of not taking her medication, the stress of working at the diner, and then the surprise at seeing you is probably what triggered it.”

Ajay pressed his lips together, trying to suppress the guilt that threatened to choke him. In front of him, Grace sighed.

“I’m tired,” she said. “Can I just go home? I wanted to finish a shift, but…”

“You can absolutely go home. In fact, I insist on it. Your mother and I need to stay here, but is it alright if Ajay stays with you? I want somebody there if you need something.”

Grace turned back to Ajay, searching his face. For what, he didn’t know, but she seemed to find it. She nodded, and he stood to help her up. 

“That alright with you, Ajay?”

He nodded, and Greg threw him the keys to the Lee’s house.

“One of us should be back by 7,” he said. “Call us if you need us before then. And feel free to raid our fridge, she’ll probably need to eat something to keep her strength up.”

Ajay nodded again and led the way out of the diner.

“So… that was  _ not _ how I wanted our reunion to go,” Grace said, a self-deprecating laugh accompanying her words.

“Me neither,” Ajay agreed. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you I was coming beforehand.”

“No, it’s okay. Like I said, it’s my fault for not taking my medicine. So, how long are you here ‘til?”

Ajay opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by her gasp.

“Oh my god, your car from high school! How does it even still work?”

Ajay laughed. “I’m not sure. I think my dad was working on it in his spare time.”

“Oh, wow. I never really thought your dad was the type to work on cars.”

“Me neither, honestly.”

The two shared a laugh, then Ajay went to open the door for Grace. Once she was inside, he crossed over to the driver’s side and got in as well.

“So many memories here,” Grace said, sounding almost wistful. Ajay extended a hand over the center console, and she took it with a smile.

“Like that?”

“A little. I also seem to remember some other stuff,” she said, smirking.

Heart in his chest, Ajay leaned over to press a kiss to her forehead, right next to the scar from the gunshot wound.

“Like that?”

“Mmmmm, almost…” she teased again, tucking her hair behind her ears and looking at him with shining eyes. She was suddenly very close to him, and Ajay wanted to lean forward and kiss her more than anything, but he hesitated.

She noticed his hesitation and pulled back, her jaw set and her eyes losing their sparkle. 

  
“I’m sorry,” she said flatly. “I don’t know why I assumed-”

“No, I’m sorry,” Ajay cut her off. “Your assumption was correct. I wanted to. I still do want to, actually. It’s just that it’s been such a long time, and I’m- I’m nervous,” he admitted, head bowed and eyes anywhere but on Grace.

“Nervous? Why? It’s just me.”

“ _ Just _ you? The fact that it’s you makes me even more nervous.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Why? I mean, it’s me. You already know… you know.”

“I don’t, though.”

Grace just looked blankly at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

“It’s been a year,” he said, trying to come up with the right words. “Just because I never moved on, just because I never stopped… you know…that doesn’t mean you didn’t.”

“It doesn’t mean that, but I didn’t.”

“There’s not anyone else?” Ajay asked, finally voicing his deepest insecurity, the only thing that had held him back from coming here. He would’ve come back home anyways, but Grace was the deciding factor, the part that really made his decision a gamble.

She squeezed his hand, and he finally looked back up at her.

“There’s nobody else. This might surprise you, but not too many people are hot for a girl who got shot in the head.”

Ajay laughed and pressed another kiss to Grace’s forehead, then sat back.

“This might surprise you, but I’m glad.”

“And even if there were,” Grace continued, “you’re the only one who matters.”

In spite of himself, Ajay smiled. He cupped Grace’s cheek in his hand and moved towards her until their foreheads touched.

“I love you, janu.”

Her eyes started to sparkle again, and she placed her hand over his.

“I love you too,” she answered, then confirmed it by pressing their lips together.

For the first time in a year, as Ajay felt Grace’s lips against his, he was at peace. He ran a hand through her hair, careful to stay away from the left side of her head, and deepened the kiss. She responded eagerly, moving both hands to press against his chest and kissing him more forcefully.

After a while, Ajay finally broke away from the kiss to press his lips to her neck, which she reacted to by plunging her hands into his hair and letting out a shaky breath. Grinning against her skin, he sucked harder on her neck, enough to leave a mark, but he didn’t care about that. He didn’t care about anything– as long as she was his and he was hers, nothing else mattered. The world faded away. He pulled her as closely to him as the center console of his car would permit, and went to suck another bruise onto her neck, but she pushed back lightly on his shoulders and moved away. He sat back.

“Sorry, I-”

“No, no. It’s just that, one, we’re in a car. Two, we’re still in the parking lot of my parents’ diner. And three, I actually am really tired,” Grace said, interrupting his apology.

Ajay flushed, recognizing that he’d gotten carried away. He nodded and turned towards the front of the car, buckling his seatbelt and finally shifting the car into gear.

“But we should finish that later,” she said after a few seconds. “Post-nap makeout session. Although I’d hate for my parents to come home and interrupt us. In fact, that might just be a problem in general while you’re here.”

Ajay pulled into the road, turning toward Grace’s house.

“I’ve actually got my own place. It’s on the outskirts of town because that’s the only way I could afford it even with help from my parents, but it’s a house.”

“You have a house?” Grace asked, her voice small.

“I- yeah. I have a house.”

“You- you-” she stuttered, unable to get the words out. Ajay looked towards her briefly, and was surprised to see tears glistening in her eyes. Grace’s neighborhood was coming up on the right, so he turned in and drove to her house in the silence that persisted after her disjointed words, eventually parking on the road in front of her house. As he turned the car off, he turned to face her again.

“I have a house,” he said. “I moved here. I’m going to stay here. If that’s okay with you.”

“Just you being here seemed too good to be true,” Grace said softly, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. “I never thought you’d stay. Not for me.”

Ajay shook his head. “Grace, I love you. We’re going to talk about that, why you feel that way, but we’re talking about it later. Because I think we both need a nap right now.”

“Copy that.”

And with that, the two headed into Grace’s house. Ajay unlocked the door and held it open for Grace to walk inside, then stepped in.

It had been a long time since he’d been in that house, eight whole years and most of a ninth. It somehow looked the same as the last time he had seen it, the night that had ended in one last tearful kiss in his car before he drove away for what he’d thought was the last time, feeling empty without the girl he’d spent the last two years of high school loving. 

He felt wonderfully whole now, with the love of his life by his side. He took a moment to thank fate, God, luck, whatever it was that allowed him to love her yet again. Even after all they’d been through, they still ended up together.

Instead of heading for the stairs, Grace took a sharp right and opened the door to the room that Ajay was pretty sure had been her parents’ study, their hub for dealing with all things Golden Griddle-related. Now, it was a small but bright bedroom.

“When I first came home, I didn’t really have a great time with stairs,” Grace explained. “We moved my parents’ office up to my old room, and I’m here now so I don’t have to worry about going up and down the stairs.”

She took her shoes off and sat on the bed, unbraiding her hair. Ajay looked at the sun shining through the slats in the blinds and casting striped onto the bed, onto the beautiful woman that sat there. Once Grace finished unbraiding the hair at her crown, she lay back against the bed and patted the other side, signaling for Ajay to come lay down next to her.

As soon as he did so, she burrowed herself into his arms, her face pressed into his chest. A blissful feeling washed over Ajay, and as he wrapped his arms around her he remembered how this had been his favorite thing– the simple act of having her in his arms loosened the last knot that had taken his heart hostage, and he was finally able to breathe again. He watched as she dozed off in his arms, no doubt exhausted from the day’s events. Ajay didn’t think he could sleep at all, though, so once Grace’s breathing deepened and steadied, he extricated himself from her arms and left her bedroom for the kitchen.

As Ajay rummaged through the fridge, not sure what he was looking for, he came across a package of puff pastry in the freezer. He took it out and spread the eight pre-cut sheets on a cookie sheet, deciding to wait for them to thaw rather than risk waking her up with the noise of the microwave. But she was a heavy sleeper, and he remembered this, and not so much as a rustle of movement came from her room.

Using the recipe he had learned when he’d studied abroad in France, an experience that was finally going to come in handy, he prepared to bake cinnamon apple turnovers. He found two old-looking apples in the fridge and chopped them up, then combined them in a bowl with sugar, a little flour, and plenty of cinnamon. He was exceedingly grateful that Grace’s parents were diner owners, because they owned all the things he needed to spontaneously make the turnovers.

He carefully doled out the filling to each pre-cut square of puff pastry, thawed after about half an hour, then folded the corners over and crimped them together with a fork that he’d fished out of the silverware drawer. He beat an egg white as he waited for the oven to preheat and brushed some over each pastry, knowing that it would make the outsides deliciously crispy and flaky while still being soft in the middle.

Once the oven beeped, Ajay carefully slid the cookie sheet with the pastries on it into the oven. He set a timer for fifteen minutes, then set to work on a simple glaze.

By the time the pastries were finished baking, fully glazed, and cooled enough to eat, Grace had woken back up. She walked into the kitchen in socked feet and sat down on a stool at the island, watching Ajay as he levered two of the turnovers onto a plate and slid it over to her. She carefully took one and bit into it.

“Just like I remember,” Grace said, and Ajay grinned.

“Only the best for you,” he said, accompanying the words with a brief kiss over the countertop. He set aside one of the turnovers for himself and wrapped the other five in plastic wrap, setting them in the refrigerator.

“They’re for your parents,” he explained. “I have a lot to thank them for.”

She hummed in agreement. He sat down next to her and bit into his turnover, and for a while the two ate quietly, enjoying each other’s company and the delicious pastries. Grace was the first one to break the silence.

“I have seizures,” she said, startling Ajay. “They’re not frequent, and my medication manages them well, but I still have them. About three or four times a year.”

“Okay?” Ajay said, unsure where she was going with this.

“I get migraines a lot, too. Like, twice a month probably. They’re bad, I can’t even get out of my bed.”

Ajay stayed silent but reached around to rub her back, waiting for her to continue. He didn’t know what she was getting at, but wanted to let her make her point.

“I don’t really have much control over my emotions anymore. When I get mad, I can’t contain it and I just rage. I yelled at a cashier at the store once because it started raining. I’m in therapy and I’ve gotten better at controlling it, but I’m not very fun to be around. I’m no good at making plans, I always get distracted before I follow things through, and sometimes I just get this complete executive dysfunction, like I can’t even get out of bed in the morning.”

“Yes? I mean, Grace, you were shot in the head. I didn’t even think you were going to live, and the fact that you’re doing this well is a miracle. You have problems, yes, but they don’t matter to me. I’m happy to help you through them, and I think we’re so lucky if that’s the tradeoff you get for getting to live your life.”

“I know. I know. And I am grateful for my life and for how quickly I moved through recovery. But my point isn’t that. I’m trying to say that…” She paused and sighed. “I didn’t think you’d want to be with me when I’m like this. I’m not the same person you fell in love with.”

“I’m not the same person either,” Ajay said, carefully wiping the tears that formed in her eyes and spilled over onto her cheeks. “That shooting changed me, too. I’m more anxious than I used to be and more of a control freak. I have nightmares, and some nights I wake up sweating or in tears. I’m not fun to be around either but, Grace, that’s not what either of us is looking for.”

“I’m not what you deserve!” Grace said, a dam holding back emotions breaking behind her eyes. Ajay held her as she shook, sobbing into his shoulder. “I’m too much to deal with. You deserve someone who can give you what you want.”

“What do you think I want?” he asked in response.

“Someone who won’t stress you out,” she said, sniffing. “Someone who will help you achieve your dreams, someone who won’t drag you down with their problems. Someone easy to get along with. Someone who won’t hold you back.”

“Grace…” Ajay trailed off, not sure what to say. Instead of saying anything, he led her over to the couch in the living room and sat down next to her, then pulled her into a tight hug.

“I want  _ you _ ,” he said, “No matter what challenges there are. Let me ask, do you love me?”

“Of course I do!” Grace said, seeming offended by the question. “I love you so much.”

“And you want to be with me? Even though I have nightmares? Even though I’m a control freak?”

“Of course! I can’t imagine life without you, not at this point. And nobody’s perfect.”

Ajay pulled away from the hug and kissed her softly.

“That’s how I feel about you. I love you, and when I say that, I mean I love everything about you. I love your smile, and I love your irritability. I love how sweet you are to everyone around you, and I love how you can’t stick to a plan. You’re far from perfect, and so am I, but I love you. And you love me. And that’s all I want, that’s what I spent a whole year figuring out. The only thing I need in this life is your love. Everything else is just an added benefit.”

Slowly, painfully slowly, Grace looked up into his eyes. She cupped his face in her right hand, her thumb stroking across his cheek. A stray tear escaped one of her eyes.

“The crazy part is,” she replied, “I actually believe you.”

“You should. Because I mean every word.”

“So you moved here…”

“I moved back here,” Ajay confirmed, “I got a job—two, actually—and a house. I’m still working on the car, because it won’t be long before my old one breaks down.”

“You did all that for me?”

“For both of us,” he said, taking Grace’s hands in his. “So that we can have a life together. If you want.”

And even though her expression didn’t betray more than the smallest slice of a smile, he could feel the happiness, satisfaction, and love coursing through her. He felt it in the way her hands squeezed his, in the way she looked at him like she’d never seen anything more precious in her entire life, in the way she leaned in to kiss him one more time.

“There’s nothing I want more.”


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's what they deserve

Epilogue: Ten Years Later

“...Dad?” a small voice mumbled, cutting through the dark room and into Ajay’s subconscious. He opened one eye sleepily, taking in the tiny form in the doorway.

“Nnngghhh?” was all he could mumble. He slowly sat up, rubbed his eyes until he could blink the fog out of both of them, and fixed his eyes on the little girl.

“It’s early, Sanjana. Go back to sleep.”

“I can’t sleep,” she said, “and it’s already seven. I was lonely.”

After a long moment of internal struggle, Ajay relented. He sighed, holding his arm out to his daughter. “Alright, you can come here until I’m ready to get up.”

Sanjana smiled, and jumped onto the bed. She crawled up Ajay’s legs and settled herself into the gap between him and the sleeping form on the other side of the bed, who startled at the new presence.

“Sanjana?” Grace grumbled, rolling over to face the girl. “What are you doing up, sweetie? It’s early.”

“That’s what Dad said,” Sanjana laughed. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Grace smiled, a sleepy grin that melted Ajay’s heart.

“C’mere, then,” she said, beckoning the girl into her arms. She snuggled in between Ajay and Grace, creating a space so wonderfully cozy that Ajay knew he’d never want to get out of bed.

Instead, he leaned over to kiss Grace’s forehead, laughing as their daughter squirmed. 

“What time’s your shift today, janu?”

“Nine to three,” Grace groaned. “Breakfast  _ and _ lunch rush.”

“You should start getting ready soon, then,” Ajay pointed out. “I know your parents own the place, but that still doesn’t mean you can be late.”

“Shhhh,” Grace said, waving her hand in his face. Sanjana laughed and Ajay fake-glared at her, which only made her laugh harder. 

Ajay climbed out of bed and crossed over, pulling Grace out of the bed too. She held onto the blankets with a death grip.

“I was  _ cozy _ ,” she said indignantly, but got out of bed anyways. Ajay turned to Sanjana and picked her up, tossing her in the air briefly to make her giggle. Then, he pressed a kiss to her little forehead.

“Alright, come on. I’ll make breakfast.”

Fifteen minutes and the delicious smell of pancakes later, the three sat at the tiny kitchen table. Grace nursed a mug of coffee, while Sanjana munched happily on her pancakes.

“So, Sanjana,” Ajay started, digging into his own stack of pancakes, “it’s just you and me today. What do you want to do?”

“Hmm…” the little girl hummed, trying to decide. “Can we go to the aquarium?”

“The one in town is closed for repairs,” Grace said through a mouthful of pancakes. “But there’s always the Seven Seas Aquarium.” She met Ajay’s eyes and they both smiled. “The octopi were always your dad’s favorites,” she added. Sanjana’s eyes went wide.

“Octopi? They’re my favorite, too! We had to write reports on animals for school and I wrote about octopi, remember?”

“Of course I do,” Ajay laughed. “When I was your age, my report was on bears. I liked your report much better.”

“Mine was on cheetahs,” Grace offered, and soon she and Sanjana were engaged in a debate about which animal was the best.

As Ajay poured syrup over his remaining pancakes, it dawned on him just how lucky he was. He looked at his family, his wife and child, and he felt so wonderfully full. With both of his parents close by and Mohit not far away in Portland, even Jake having moved to the West coast to pursue his film career, Ajay had everything he needed. He’d had the enormous fortune of directing community theatre productions both in and outside of Cedar Cove, and mixing those with his shifts at the Golden Griddle and raising his daughter had created a life that he loved and deeply enjoyed.

He got up from the table to put his dishes in the dishwasher and, on his way back to the table, dropped a kiss on top of his daughter’s head.

“I love you,” he said to her, then looked across the table at Grace. “And I love you.”

Grace grinned. “Your dad’s mushy today, huh?”

Sanjana nodded, rolling her eyes but still smiling.

“Hey, sweetie, why don’t you go give your dad a big hug and say it back, ok? Then you can go brush your teeth, brush your hair, and get dressed for the aquarium.”

Sanjana nodded. She got up and wrapped her arms around Ajay’s waist, the farthest up she could reach.

“I love you too, Dad,” she said, and Ajay beamed. 

“Go get ready,” he said. “We’ll drop your mom off at work, then we can go to the aquarium.”

Sanjana ran off and Grace stood up with the rest of the dirty dishes and took them toward the sink. As soon as she set them down, Ajay stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing a kiss to her neck. She turned in his arms to face him and kissed him gently.

“We have the best kid,” he said once they broke apart. Grace nuzzled into his shoulder and for a moment they just held each other, standing in the kitchen and listening to the sounds of their daughter getting ready.

“You have the best wife, too,” Grace added, smiling against Ajay’s shoulder. He held onto her tighter.

“And you have the best husband.”

“Careful, there. Don’t get too egotistical,” Grace murmured, threading her fingers through his hair. Ajay laughed quietly, then, still holding her tightly, started to speak.

“Do you ever feel like everything in our lives led up to this?”

“You mean like, with the shooting?”

“A little, I guess,” Ajay said, loosening his hold on Grace and pulling back so he could face her fully. “But everything else that happened in our lives, too. Like if I hadn’t realized I needed you in that year after the shooting, and come back to Cedar Cove. Going back even further, if I hadn’t interviewed to direct  _ Bonnie & Clyde _ . If I hadn’t worked up enough nerve to tell you how I felt all the way back in high school.”

“I guess our lives would’ve taken a different road,” Grace said, thinking over her next words. “But I have a feeling that we were always going to end up here. We went through hell and that didn’t tear us apart, so I wouldn’t let a silly thing like fate get in our way.”

Ajay smiled and pressed his forehead against hers. “You really think that?”

“Would I lie to you?” Grace fired back, leaning in closer.

“No,” Ajay admitted. “And even if you would, I know your tell.”

“My tell? What is it?”

“You’re such a terrible liar. You can’t stop fidgeting, and your eyes glaze over.”

“Ugh, stupid brain,” Grace laughed, then leaned in to kiss Ajay again. They melted into each other, the love they’d shared for so long resurfacing in the form of passion. After a long while, Grace finally pulled away to say something she’d forgotten to say earlier.

“Oh, and I love you too.”


End file.
